furthest

I’ve made it to the end of another of my work weeks.  There’s something that seems not quite right about this drive to “make it through another week.” Shouldn’t we be treating every day as an amazing gift, not something to slog our way to the end of?  People say, oh, if I can just make it to Friday.  Yeah, well, you made it…so what are you going to do now?  Get drunk for the next two days?  Try to forget your crappy job and live your “real” life for a brief moment?  What a sick system we’ve built for ourselves here.  I generally try to spend Fridays in the woods, away from people, but the blizzards and general crappy weather have hampered that often in recent weeks.  I guess you could say I’m ready for Spring. 

Back when we had our work retreat, during one meal I was eating at the same table as our facilitator.  Someone commented on how this one guy had hardly been seen at all outside of the work sessions.  Well, the facilitator said, some people are introverts and it’s hard for them…they need to be by themselves and recharge.  She said that actually she herself was an introvert, and, in fact, that she would probably opt out of the scheduled “social time” after dinner that night (so she could recharge, I suppose).  [I wrote more about this night in an earlier entry].  Anyone who knows me is, I’m sure, well aware of my introverted status.  Sometimes I feel like I never recharge, though.  I often can’t spend enough time by myself.  But other times it feels unhealthy, and I get to the point of craving companionship.  I spend so much time alone that I can drive myself to the breaking point, where I just generally feel crazy and by then it’s too late to be around people because I would just feel and act too weird.  I often find it much easier to connect to sounds, smells, and textures, than to carry on a conversation with a person.  Music is an important interface for me to explore emotions and just generally function in the world.  And clearly nature is integral to my life.  Even though technology surrounds me and I use it every day, I would always choose the natural world over the manufactured world.  Every single time.  So…that’s where I’m at right now, here nearing the end of this week.  We’ll see how it goes tomorrow.  I’m supposed to go look at the stars tomorrow night.  Peering out into the night sky at those celestial bodies so far away.  It sounds pretty perfect, actually, and the forecast looks mostly clear.

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2 Comments

  1. It is indeed a fine line. Jane Hirshfeld said it best:"Wrong solitude vinegars the soul, right solitude oils it." (http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/06/vinegar-and-oil/6804/)And I agree, spring can't come too soon this year. Though, really, waiting for winter to end is comparable to waiting for the work week to end. And I have to admit I've gotten some amazing musical gifts out of this particular dead season. In that respect, the timing of our blizzard worked out nicely.Any plans to blog about your star-gazing evening?

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  2. this post makes so much sense to me. thanks. a/t

    Reply

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