anonymity in the city

Last night I was reminded of how anonymous I have become again.  When I think about my time in this city, I almost see myself split into two separate people.  I used to go out a lot, and as a result, I was recognized.  I also volunteered somewhere that elevated my public profile even more.  Then I withdrew, at first gradually, but then altogether.  I embraced my inner hermit; I returned to the reclusive life that has always been my safe place.  Even before this latter shift occurred, though, I wrestled with which persona was true.  At the time, someone who knows me well also observed that all this social activity seemed unlike me.  I am by nature a quiet and reticent person.  However, I do enjoy going out and being around people.  It’s just that I’ve never been able to strike the proper balance.  I overindulge in socializing and then abruptly overcompensate by retreating into my shell.  I’ve been on this perpetual teeter-totter of extreme behavior for much of my adult life.  It’s nothing new, but every once in a while I receive some abrupt reminder of the gaping schism between these two personas.  In response, I try analyzing myself all over again.  But I never find any answers.

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