grey man

Grey Man, whose real name may be Bork, surveys the valley through half-lidded eyes.

Nothing must happen today, he thinks. Too much has been happening lately and it must stop. One time something happened…but he can’t bear to even think about it.

Grey Man stands on the bamboo platform surrounding his mountaintop hut. Mist gathers far below, swirling through dark hollows, clinging to the treetops as it floats up from the warm earth. In the eastern sky the unholy sun flexes its rays as it prepares to destroy this predawn gauze.

Grey Man turns away from the impending spectacle. Inside the hut he makes tea and sits at the wooden table. All must stop, he thinks. Once begun, though, it is so hard to halt the creeping progress. I cannot control that. But I can prevent certain progressions from starting. I can choose not to act in the first place. All else is beyond me. All else will never stop. He grips the table, his knuckles whitening.

Outside the unholy sun has fully exposed its horrid face. Its hot tongue darts down among the mist-wreathed trees, lapping up the unsuspecting gauze from its resting place atop the forest. Heat first swells the valley then debilitates it, the vegetation falling limp. The animals crawl to cooler lairs. The insects scuttle beneath crackling leaves on the forest floor.

The ambient temperature inside the hut changes little. Grey Man appreciates this quality of his abode. The hut sits sheltered below a canopy of cedars. Perched near the edge of the ridge, the hut receives the full benefit of daily mountain and valley breezes. It is a comfortable dwelling place.

Grey Man rests his forehead against the tabletop. Outside the hut a raven croaks from its perch in a nearby cedar. A cicada rattles as if in response. Grey Man rouses himself, stands, and begins to walk in a circle. He moves heel-to-toe at a slow, steady pace. His lips move in silence. Nothing will happen, nothing will happen, nothing will happen.

For years the dread rose up before him each day as the sun waned, ushering in early evening’s gloom to take its place. The relentless nature of this phenomenon wreaked havoc on his ability to function in society. Events transpired. He lost everything. Everything he never wanted in the first place. It was too much. Everything happening. Acquisition. Unwanted relations. Naive openness to possibility. The dread funnel cloud tearing it all to shreds, leaving an empty husk behind.

But that was decades ago. It matter not now. Nothing matters now, only that nothing should occur. Until the end which is right and proper.

Grey Man completes his circuit and steps out onto the platform. The unholy sun has surged high overhead, having since erased all traces of mist from the valley. It is full of itself, this sun, it knows no boundaries. One day it will burn itself out in its hubris. Grey Man peers down into the valley and sees only dense foliage. The sun has silenced the birds, except for the raven which again croaks from its perch in the cedar. Grey Man returns the call and the raven flies off, heavy wings flapping as it catches a thermal on which to soar.

[written March-April 2016, abandoned and forgotten until now, possibly still unfinished]

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2 Comments

  1. It’s not really fitting, situationally– but reading this, I can’t shake Anna Akhmatova’s “Nothing will ever happen here–/Oh, never!” (from a 1911 poem in Evening). And coincidentally, bouncing between the two, this morning, I was nearly overwhelmed with the dumb recognition that *life will never stop changing•– or rather, let me catch my breath in a moment of security or certainty.

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  1. baseline data collection [personal note 1.0] | lost gander

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